The artist Botticelli seemed to admire hefty women.
However, as a formerly-thin person, I am not comfortable wearing a layer of thick fat over my body. It not only does not look good, it does not feel good.
When we were kids, my sisters and I had an expression we used to describe extreme fatness. It was "as big as Mrs. H_______," who was a woman in my grandmother's neighborhood. I've looked at a photo of this lady recently. While she was well-rounded, I must admit that I can't be that far off matching her.
My mother was a woman of iron will. When she reached middle-age she changed her eating habits and stayed very trim. At the time, I thought she had just developed a taste for dry shredded wheat. That's what she ate for supper every night. She just nibbled away at a dry biscuit or two. She never made any fuss or explanation about it. It was just what she did. Now I realize that she was watching her weight.
That is something I did not have to do in my younger days. Metabolism and activity levels can, however, change as life's stages change.
|Here I am c. 1975 with Jeremy, Kristofer (I babysat for him for several years), and Anne Marie. It is not my ambition to get that thin again; I was that size naturally. If I ate as much now as I did then, I'd be even more obese now.|
Changing life habits can be very difficult.
Yes, I eat a lot less now than I did when I was young. But "calories in/calories out" still holds true. Less food may help, but when activity is greatly reduced that is not enough.
And when I am hungry I still want to eat.
As a formerly slim person, I most definitely feel ashamed of gaining so much weight. As a senior citizen with asthma, I find upping activity difficult. Being a person whose favorite activity is reading makes it even more difficult. Being active was natural for me years ago. I walked a lot, had a busy household, added an outside job. Things have changed.
I can lose thirty pounds on Nutrisystem. At about that point, I reach the stage where I just can't eat that food any longer. I know they talk about how delicious it is in the TV ads. And some of it is not bad. It works, but I really need to get myself in hand to eat real food and keep in control. Otherwise, I'll just repeat the pattern of losing and gradually gaining it back.
So, I keep beating myself up over it--but in a rather desultory way. I am definitely in the winter blahs. Part of me cares. Part of me just doesn't have the mental energy to care enough to do something about it. I always feel the most inspired to "do something about it" right after I've had a meal and am not hungry!
But I know I'm in trouble when I find that I hate to go out in public where someone I know may see me. And doctor's visits--that dreaded scale!
So, this is my confession: My name is Michelle and I am overweight.