Aaaah, Sleep!

I have had sleep problems for a long time now. It had reached the point where I dreaded going to bed, knowing that I would be facing a night of broken sleep, getting up several times, being unable to go back to sleep, sometimes just getting up and wandering around the house, going on the computer, watching TV, or reading, but NOT sleeping.

Then I was becoming more and more of a zombie during the day. Very few people function well on three to five hours of sleep on a consistent basis.

I realized I was also operating in a low level of depression that was not getting better.

I finally talked to my doctor about this. She prescribed a small dose of antidepressant.

Since I started on this medication I have been sleeping seven to nine hours each night!

It is such a relief!

Waiting to See

I have not been blogging much of late. I have thought of a few things to write about; I have even sat down at the computer with the intention of blogging. But it was just too much trouble to actually do it.

Tuesday I had an appointment with a very good doctor in Billings. I finally talked to her about the fact that I realize that I am operating at a low level of depression. (She agreed with my self-diagnosis.)

This is not the kind of big, bad depression that afflicted me forty years ago after the birth of my second child. That was a very dark and scary place that I don't even like to think about. My intense and protective love for my children and my very supportive husband pulled me through that time, but the healing took months. There was a time that I came to believe I would always feel that way and I would just cope the best I could for the sake of my family. I am glad that I did eventually and gradually recover.

This is not the kind of depression I have heard about, but have not experienced, that comes with crying jags and/or impulses to harm one's self.

This is the kind of depression that sucks out physical, mental, and emotional energy. It creates an overall dullness where doing anything is just too difficult. I had to admit I was not really able to handle it on my own when I realized that I was dreading an upcoming Bible class that I am to teach beginning in mid-September. I love teaching Bible classes and I have really wanted to teach this particular adult class. Now, I find that I regret getting myself into it; it just takes too much energy and mental discipline. The joy is gone and it just seems like a chore.

And that is not all that I have no energy--mental or physical--for. I'm definitely not keeping up my house the way I would like it to be. I have almost abandoned work on several projects that I was formerly enthusiastic about. I don't really care much about going out and doing anything.

So, combining this overall energy-sapping dullness and the fact that I have had trouble sleeping for months, Dr. Malody put me on a low dose of antidepressant. It was very difficult for me to admit I needed it or to tell anyone what I did know about what was happening to me.

Depression seems to be a factor on both sides of my family tree--in the past, before the development of better understanding of how the brain works and medicines that have effectiveness for mental disorders, a lot of people self-treated with alcohol. Which, of course, just caused more problems. I truly believe that most alcoholics start out as depressives. Because of family history I have always had an intense fear of alcohol.

It takes time to build up to the complete effects of an antidepressant. However, the last two nights I have really slept! That, in itself, is a blessing. I am still feeling a little "druggy" and my balance is a little off. No, two doses have not restored me to mental energy and ambition. That is the waiting to see part. But I have hope that the results will be good and I will really care about, and enjoy, doing things again!

It's Allergy Season

Yesterday was a beautiful day. It was so lovely I opened windows around my house to let in fresh air. By evening, my nose was swelling shut, my throat was itching, and my eyes were swelling and irritated. It's definitely allergy season!

After a long winter I am thrilled to have a real spring this year. Every thing is growing, pollinating, and blooming.  I love it!

But. . .I am one of the many unfortunates who also have many allergies. That means that while I delight in the beauty of the season, can hardly wait each winter for spring to come, and love, love flowers and the flowering trees, I pay for time spent outdoors with allergies.

I have learned to mostly keep my house closed up and depend upon the air conditioner to cool it when temperatures rise. That way I can spend some time outdoors and then come inside to escape the allergens. That, plus Zyrtec, keeps me in pretty good shape. But, sometimes, I just want to open some windows. And then I pay for it.

Some of the swelling and outbreak on my face.

My worst allergy experience of recent years, however, had nothing to do with pollen. Last spring I irritated my back by moving heavy bags of potting soil while planting flowers in my numerous deck pots. It was very painful. I was prescribed a painkiller, Feldene, that was supposed to be better than Ibuprofen and longer lasting. It did warn it could increase sun sensitivity, like so many medications do. I am always careful of the sun anyway, because I am very fair-skinned and sunburn easily. But I learned that the sun sensitivity with this medication was beyond anything I had ever experienced. When I first developed a little rash, I quit taking it. The effects, however, did not wear off for more than a week. The rash kept developing, finally creating spots that I can only compare to the burns caused by hot grease splatters. When it reached that point, with the extra added attraction of generalized swelling on all exposed skin, I ended up in the emergency room. I still have several faint scars from the worst of the burns.

My right hand and lower arm. Thank goodness I was
wearing 3/4 length sleeves!

That medication is definitely on my "Never Take This Stuff Again" list!